Do you like talking? If you know me you would guess I enjoy talking, if you really know me you understand from time to time I won’t say a word. One day I might need to say it all, maybe at once maybe over the span of a few hours but it will all need to come out. Being isolated has a strange effect on your need to expel thought through words.Take a prisoner for example only in solitary confinement you are truly alone. It’s not simply making noises with your mouth that people need, you can do that alone just fine. Being understood seems to be the thing that is actually a necessity. You don’t even need a guarantee that you have been understood your ego will cut those corners for you and make you believe that whoever you’re talking to gets it. For a long time I had thought, (operative word “thought”) I had nothing to say or that what I did have to say was not worth hearing.
This feeling disappears when you speak to those you love. And sometimes if you’re alone for long enough you can even start to believe you love yourself that much. That much self love can be dangerous, we all deserve self love, we all need it. But giving the ego too much of that can change you. Resorting to a routine of permanent self love can eliminate the need for love to come from other people. Those friends you love laughing with and talking to. Your brain doesn't need them anymore. Addiction to anything seems to fall along the same path. Your brain, once held in balance by the medications of maybe diet community or exercise has found a new drug of choice. Being in a place where few people understand can exercise your mind, push it in a direction, searching elsewhere for love and understanding that you require. Personally this leads to the mind growing restless and sporadic. One week lets be dedicated to this thing, next week that same activity holds no interest for you. Luckily through technology today you can get feedback from those you hold close. This can be good and bad, good because some things will stick with you week after week, bad because maybe nothing sticks at all.
I will run my first marathon in a few months. This dedication to running has led to a diminished output in other social activities. Jiu jitsu could be better in a different environment. Writing may be better in this environment. For everyone you roll your own dice when entering a new environment without lifelines. I just hope your roll ends up being as good as mine was.