Description of Love

The feigned transparency. He wondered if you could smell it on his breath. She looked at him like a National Geographic collection, full of promise, inspiration and humanity. He looked in the mirror and saw a projector slide. Shine enough light on, you start to see the dust on the other slide. The subject was printed on vinyl and his print had plenty of dust on the other side. He held the disk in his hands, rough to the touch. He was no expert he watched the others in the store dancing disks playing in their fingers. Hers were different. Glances happen often, following lines of sight, looking for points of attraction. For her it was the eyes. They examined each groove as if searching for the lyrics printed on the outside of the vinyl.

He looked for lyrics to her life in those early twenty something lines on her face. They existed to tell a story, just little bits of one. As his gaze returned to the music in his hands he caught a flicker as she looked up and he looked down. A little embarrassed, he silently decided the year 2019 wouldn't be about swipes or likes it would be about reading the story in those shining eyes, or listening to it one word at a time. Wasn’t he getting ahead of himself? He was looking at this creature, it had nothing to do with her. She couldn’t control what she looked like, he happened to be attracted to that. Thousands of years of biology being recognized in a record store on King Street. Everything he knew about her was predetermined, some could argue even the clothes she wore were chosen by her environment. That soft lavender t-shirt with the frayed collar. Given to her as a gift from her mother on her birthday in 2003. She thought maybe he liked the music she was looking at, surely he wasn’t staring at her. Maybe he’d come over, maybe not either way she had to choose at least one record for her sister’s party next week. She went over to the new releases section. The covers can be so magnetic, “ok last time I bought one of the cool covers” she told herself. A quick reminder not to be tricked by the appearance that something might look good. This guy could be a total loser, even if he did look cute. She brushed of the flush to her cheeks as a mistake and found the back wall with some of the older choices. Just as her thoughts were returning to the music at hand, her mind no longer singing words of a silly crush and a record store blush, she heard “hey”.

He spoke soft as to not disturb the other customers in the store. “I don’t mean to disturb you, you seem pretty intent on that weird al yankovic greatest hits album”. “Ummm” she replied, embarrassed by her timing choosing that album “I enjoy his creativity, he’s not afraid to be himself I like that”. He looked at those eyes and asked “You mind if I share a thought I just had?”. “Go ahead” she replied. Nodding, and fascinated by the warmth he gave her with those cool blue eyes. He paused, then began. “You know I was over there, I saw you. And for the last ten minutes I’ve been writing your biography in my head, seeing details on your face imagining what they mean. Thinking about if I could make you smile, what it would take to make you mad. I might watch the sun go down tonight and this story might play across my mind for the last time. Maybe you’ve done the same, had a thought or two about me looking at you. I figured I’d come over and hear the real story from you, I think you might do a better job than I ever could” He finished and waited for her. “I like that… I’m going to leave, before I do. I’ll write my number on your hand. If you’re watching that sunset tonight and still curious about that story, give me a call”.

I want my Thoughts Back

Paid to do what? Day by day, shoes landing on the same concrete squares. Same cold handrail, angry breeze and dry hands. Sweaty only when thinking about the future. Coping with extra time. It’s the plague of 2019. Everyone has got all the time they could ever want. We all give it away. One second at a time. Just like anyone else you pay with your seconds. You purchase time you can waste later. Staring at a Netflix logo or living life through someone else on Youtube. We so rarely take those seconds and spend them on what we need to be happy. Maybe you don’t have borderline insane dreams or aspirations. Maybe you enjoy that hour every night getting your retinas harassed by a hurricane of blue light. Consider ancient Rome or Athens, the thoughts created by philosophers Plato or Socrates we’re taught to learn about in school. Those men treated time like a treasure. Time was used to think and consider the nature of having any time to think. It’s scary when you really can picture all the things they were talking about; death, life and meaning. So what are you paid to do. Are you being paid to use what makes you human. Or are you being paid to be quiet slowly forgetting about what you could give to the world. Your light is being extinguished. You’ve been taken from the outdoors playing in the beautiful sun, and placed in Plato’s cave. Staring at shadows chained to a wall, your life growing less interesting day by day. I couldn’t care less if your life is interesting. You might, if you feel that way. Stop thinking for 8,9,10,13,15,19 hours a day about someone else profit, consider your own life consider if it may be worth dedicating those hours to your own journey through space and not giving those thoughts to someone else who cares not for you.

Playing Your Game

Referring to life as a game can give both context and triviality to the finality of mortality. Life is certainly not a trivial matter.

This character we play. Truths we realize as we grow. I do not like licorice. I love the sun and the rain, however I would prefer to never see them at the same time. Our food preferences seem to be somewhat unalterable. But our visual and kinetic preferences seem subject to change. Your genes hold pieces, from those who played the game of life before you. This can come in the form of help if you find yourself a gifted athlete or hindrance if you find yourself plagued by mental illness. From there, you find out if your inherited traits will stick with you, forever unchanged. And traits, such as your athleticism which can change. Distancing yourself from things you do not want to be is the most important and difficult part of the game. As you go about your day try to take a step back and look at the person looking through your eyes. Who is that person, is it you making these choices to do these things or are you ruled by cravings and past programming that you are ignorant of? All through your childhood you may not have made a single conscious choice. One day you wake up to see you can make some drastically different decisions than you have in the past. You might need to apply your time in an entirely different manor. You were once a sad person, you need only act as a happy one to take on the guise of that trait. As you wear that costume you start to remember what it feels like even when you do not have it on. Eventually you do not need the costume of happiness at all. The environment you are in can force you to wear one costume or another. You may feel pressure to put on an entirely different act when you are out for dinner or home talking with a friend.

Something that should be painfully clear. As long as you are not hurting anyone, you should feel no pressure to be anything other than who you want. The first action needs to be observation. You need to observe the person behind your eyes. I find it most helpful to meditate on this issue at the end of the day. Reviewing choices and analyzing if they fit into the kind of character I want to see myself as. After a thorough and unbiased observation has taken place. Your next step is a direction. Observation should include an expansion of your field of view. When you choose a direction. You need to make two choices. One choice needs to decide your direction in the foreseeable future. The other choice needs to be a long term goal which leads you into a place you have not been. If you have large goals, big dreams and wild aspirations. This second direction should be extremely concrete. Regardless how wild your goals are they should always boil down to something simple. Having clarity in these moments is extraordinarily important. An additional aspect of importance revolves around your view. This journey is about changing you. It is not about going somewhere, it is about being something. There are many things about yourself which are unchangeable. The majority of who you are is alterable through thought and action. If you desire a change don’t be the last person to realize you need it.

Care

The world was bland without it. Care, the first and final piece of each puzzle you haven’t started yet. Through flat fields and winding squares the care was not there. Found it was inside a shapely nook beyond what was simply known as the place nothing was but everything could be hidden. A rather large place filled with tiny creatures impossible to catch but friendly once held. Care is not something you can ever find it is something you become. There are many complex things sneaking around from shadow to shadow, care is not one of those things. Care, approaches with a simple yes or no request. Answer yes and you have provided care. Answer no and you have provided your mind a gift in the form of a murky memory, the memory will include disappointment and regret. Care is not to be taken lightly. It’s heavy, immediately before answering yes you are left with a choice if you want to carry the burden of care forever. It becomes you. Will you become care?

Feasting in Japan

Food, have I mentioned it? The food in Japan is not to be ignored. The Titans: Sushi, Ramen, Tonkatsu, Soba. It really comes down to personal opinion after that. Sushi and Ramen are worldwide titans as well. Anyone who believes otherwise is unhinged and doesn’t know a thing about food. In Japan food is treated as a craft. There are many rules in Japan and food does not escape that control. A simple rule for sushi: never dip the rice in soy sauce, for each piece you turn it upside down and dip the fish gently in the sauce. I mention this rule simply because it’s easy to follow and does improve the flavour. Following this rule also helps you discover low quality sushi. You turn the piece of sushi upside down and the fish falls off, you’ve found yourself a low quality sushi craftsman. There are of course a host of other rules but i’m not qualified to get into them. Ramen is a different animal all together. All to often when purchasing ramen outside of Japan you find yourself eating from a small bowl, this is blasphemy. You should rarely find yourself hungry after a bowl of Ramen nor should you have confidence that you’ll finish your bowl upon seeing its size. These two rules will help you identify a con artist or two should you happen to care about that kind of thing. 

Yes rice is a staple. Yes rice is eaten with almost every meal and yes everyone loves it. Japan is a carb country, here you find all your simple carbs. Protein is expensive, so is fruit. Vegetables will change depending on season, actually most stores will change drastically as the seasons shift. Variety is not something most Japanese people include in a regular diet but it is something you will find if you’re after treats and snacks. New sweet and salty snacks go in and out of style year round. Most people will eat a breakfast lunch and dinner that will remain the same for long periods of time, on top of this they have convince store snacks. The care makers of food put into their work is second to none in the land of the rising sun. You’ll find not only quality of ingredients, you will also find quality of preparation. It is not hard to find a fast food hamburger that looks much like the commercial. Appearance means a lot not only when preparing food, grocery stores will waste hundreds of pounds of produce each year simply because the food does not look pretty enough to sit on the shelves. As you can see the care, occasionally comes at a price. Most would say for beautiful and delicious food the price is small, what would you say?

The Return

The return, he marched ashore. Clothes soaked in the smells of another land. Eyes still alive with memories of food and friends. Life in the last few months has felt just like alive should and now he has returned to how alive was years ago. The streets, their patterns memorized in childhood. Now those patterns are speckled with a building or two he does not remember. His friends, the people and acquaintances he once knew he still does… to an extent. His wings are tired and he wont be able to fly again for awhile it’s now a priority for him to find the people who will keep him safe on the ground. The character in this story could very well be you some day, maybe you have never left but you have certainly felt the effects of familiarity. In stories like these there are two types of characters, those who fear the familiarity and those who never notice its impact. Those who never notice the impact of familiarity can live in and around it forever, a gracious treat filled with comfort and satisfaction. The characters who fear familiarity are first and foremost silly creatures who for no other reason than they enjoy the fear continue to do so. It’s a dangerous loop, these characters might never be satisfied with the setting of their own story. The ambition they show in searching for a new setting is often better allocated giving care to the setting they find themselves in at the time. Constantly looking can turn a life into one long day with no reprieve. Sometimes a nice place is easily found there’s no need to look for now.

Relaxing in a Moving World

Summer sun makes it easy for everyone to enjoy long nights and late mornings. The summers always have less care attached to them. Everything seems lighter, unless you get one of those 35 degree days where every bit of the 35 degrees is filled with humidity. Those days feel nice and slow. Those are the days you need to find some water. Lord help you if one of these days ends up being a Tuesday! There’s people out there who would prefer dark cool days every day of the week every month of the year. I’m sure everyone can enjoy a nice dark rainy day. Maybe for a day or two, after that we need to see the sun again. Whatever it takes to get a ray or two on the ol’skin. I talked about rolling a dice earlier and life rolled me a dice resulting in terrible skin. Burn first and ask questions later, my body decided that’s a good motto. Despite this unfortunate development I always feel happier if it’s a beautiful sunny day. Relaxation is important. But if that relaxation has no purpose you can often finish relaxing and be more restless than if you had never relaxed at all. What do you do to relax? Chances are you do what most of us do and let it happen. Half admitting to yourself that it’s time to not worry about anything and really let the stress go. Personally i’m always a little guilty. Until recently I never took my relaxation seriously. What an odd statement, it’s the only way to get the most out of these rare minutes of relaxation. Make a plan, what are the things I need to do so tomorrow I can be happy with the time I spent? For me two of these things are good food and a movie. On a day off if I do not eat some good food or watch a good movie I need just one more day with nothing to do. I could have 10 days off filled with all kinds of adventures. If I don’t get my mitts on  good food or a movie during that time, on day 11, I find myself thinking “man I could really use a vacation”.

It’s not that you’re taking two steps forward and one step back. Life is always moving forward, if you are moving with it you’re going to stay in the same spot. If you work really really hard, you will get ahead. Working really really hard is not sustainable until you get used to it. So when you first start working to get ahead. You are undoubtably going to get tired and worn down. You’ll need to take a break, when you take this break life has not stopped, not for you, not for anyone. This break will be your slide backward, as life continues to move under you. It’s not the person who tries the hardest the fastest, it’s the person who can keep coming back and trying hard, the person who comes back the quickest to work the hardest will certainly go the furthest.

Mining for Japanese Diamonds

Many people come to Japan and have passion for a piece of this culture animation, language or video games. I really enjoy all of those things but can not replace what I need most, people. I may love people but I am endlessly curious about them, the good, bad, ugly, all of it, it’s the best, it’s what makes us human. Those pieces of humanity are language and experience. I lack the experience in things I am not interested in and lack the language to express those experiences even if I had experienced them. These people who come to Japan from other lands. Somehow they are the same, the interest in one of these three things brings them together. I suppose it might be similar to someone visiting Canada to play Ice Hockey. Somehow that comparison does not do this situation justice. I don’t think many people uproot their lives in their 20s 30s or 40s simply to immerse themselves in a hockey culture. (I could be wrong about this, I never payed hockey, I assume this would be one of those things you would catch wind of). 

Mandy was a girl who did the same job I do now. She taught English to tiny tots. But unlike myself she landed in Japan with a goal. Mandy is also an artist, a great artist. She prefers a specific style, can you guess what it is? She draws animation characters. She used to do what I do and she still does at a different school, now she draws part time. Another friend Ron has the same situation. He’s still in the hobby phase with his video games. One thing that his interest in games allowed him to do is really pursue learning Japanese. Ron and Mandy understand that to really succeed with the things they are interested in they must speak the language those things exist in. Japan is the only place for these people. Japan has some of the best animation and video games in the world. 

Japan is a cultural and intellectual diamond mine (for anyone who wants these specific diamonds). The mine doesn't hold anything that doesn't exist elsewhere. The mine just holds more than you can find anywhere else. For example, you’re after diamonds. In Canada, you can mine all the diamonds you want. You must use a shovel and there aren’t many diamonds kicking around, dig away and see what you find. Your lust for diamonds has gripped you, you move to Japan. You arrive, you have heard the diamonds you need are hiding all over. Here’s the difference, in the Japan’s mine you need a pickaxe if you want to find anything. You think to yourself “gosh pickaxes are expensive, but I really do want diamonds”. You realize teaching English only requires a shovel. So here you are using that shovel to slowly earn enough to buy a pickaxe. Now you feel you’re on the right track, that pickaxe is just around the corner you can almost feel it in your hands swinging away. Thing is if you think all you need to do is buy the pickaxe, you’re all wrong. You need a pickaxe operating manual, how they work and what you can do with them. You could have read that in Canada. The Diamonds represent your happiness or wealth in this scenario. The Shovel is your function, what you do for work to get this happiness. The Pickaxe is what you want to do with your life to have real happiness/ wealth. Learning to use that pickaxe in Japan requires the operating manual, the operating manual is in Japanese. Get learning. 

Roll the Dice on Loneliness

Do you like talking? If you know me you would guess I enjoy talking, if you really know me you understand from time to time I won’t say a word. One day I might need to say it all, maybe at once maybe over the span of a few hours but it will all need to come out. Being isolated has a strange effect on your need to expel thought through words.Take a prisoner for example only in solitary confinement you are truly alone. It’s not simply making noises with your mouth that people need, you can do that alone just fine. Being understood seems to be the thing that is actually a necessity. You don’t even need a guarantee that you have been understood your ego will cut those corners for you and make you believe that whoever you’re talking to gets it. For a long time I had thought, (operative word “thought”) I had nothing to say or that what I did have to say was not worth hearing. 

This feeling disappears when you speak to those you love. And sometimes if you’re alone for long enough you can even start to believe you love yourself that much. That much self love can be dangerous, we all deserve self love, we all need it. But giving the ego too much of that can change you. Resorting to a routine of permanent self love can eliminate the need for love to come from other people. Those friends you love laughing with and talking to. Your brain doesn't need them anymore. Addiction to anything seems to fall along the same path. Your brain, once held in balance by the medications of maybe diet community or exercise has found a new drug of choice. Being in a place where few people understand  can exercise your mind, push it in a direction, searching elsewhere for love and understanding that you require. Personally this leads to the mind growing restless and sporadic. One week lets be dedicated to this thing, next week that same activity holds no interest for you. Luckily through technology today you can get feedback from those you hold close. This can be good and bad, good because some things will stick with you week after week, bad because maybe nothing sticks at all.

I will run my first marathon in a few months. This dedication to running has led to a diminished output in other social activities. Jiu jitsu could be better in a different environment. Writing may be better in this environment. For everyone you roll your own dice when entering a new environment without lifelines. I just hope your roll ends up being as good as mine was.

Best Japanese City? Kyoto.

Within one country, you forget how different one city such as Tokyo can be from another such as Kyoto. The recent visit my body took to Kyoto showed my mind some interesting stuff. This stuff started with intonation, the way women speak in Kyoto is different from Tokyo. The style really popped, a more relaxed atmosphere in the shops,the clothes prices did no relaxing at all. One thing that did rise to the top of my list of concerns, the lack of melon pop. Melon soda as it’s formally known. Especially the new pink melon pop was nowhere to be found. The taste is absolutely unique, it’s hard to find it just may be the best beverage you may never have. 

Kyoto is a walkable city, plans to visit Japan? Not much cash floating around the couch cushions? Does this sound like an infomercial? Have no fear, there are not many couches in Japan and for the couches you do find it would be rude to take the change. Anyway, when you do finally get here (to Japan I mean). You’ll need to come to Kyoto, it should be your highest priority. Tokyo? Sure, but it’s expensive, now Tokyo is amazing and it will be everything you could possibly want from the biggest city in the World. But people are busy there. Everyone in Tokyo has a job to do. There’s a good reason for everything that is happening in Tokyo, often tourists aren’t included in the secret sauce that will make Tokyo really cool, for that you might need to understand a little Japanese. 

Tokyo was destroyed during WW2 by firebombs. Naturally Japan rebuilt Tokyo quickly but rebuilding something causes it to lose a little of that magic it had before, especially if that something is very old. Kyoto was largely spared during the second world war and it still has this little piece of magic left in much of its culture. Kyoto is the most populated city in Japan if you’re definition of population includes temples and shrines. Many of these cultural artifacts are older than entire countries, certainly older than my own Canada. Contrary to many of Japan’s biggest cities, Kyoto is not a port town. Kyoto is nestled within the mountains with the nations biggest lake sitting close on its East. Kyoto was a capital city once upon a time during an age where the mongols were convinced Japan would be theirs one day. They were mistaken. The terrain across all of Japan has made it difficult for any enemy to gain much ground here. This defensibility has led to a relatively unadulterated Japanese sense of self. Until WW2 few countries save China were ever strong enough to have a tangible impact on the Japanese. After WW2 Hiroshima, Nagasaki and Tokyo were devastated. Kyoto escaped the obliteration that claimed many relics in these other cities. Unlike the melon pop, lets make Kyoto the greatest Japanese city you HAVE visited. 

Pieces of Love, Float Down River

When the pieces of love float by, there’s no picture on the box to tell you where they lie. This river is a place our friend only sees at night. Standing by the bank, the grass is slick and runs right down to the river’s edge. Drama occurs inside the eye. Not a hint of it is betrayed in the limbs which seem to loom below those eyes. The pupils have blown out. Not in a violent display, the black simply creeps away from the pupil. The black looks like ink poured on a newspaper page, there’s definitely supposed to be something where the ink now lives. Now there’s nothing, only a deep vacancy of colour. The eye has betrayed the owner. This wasn’t a choice, rather reverence for the river still flowing by. The river runs heavy with those pieces of love. The water might be thicker than blood and the way these eyes capture light the river does seem to run red. Walking next to this stream eyes pinned to the shore right in front of those feet. Walking with the water is very important. Stopping is what caused the damage inside the eyes. The pace you keep beside the river is optional. It’s tempting to linger and look back, you could swear the water looks swimmable if you just took a few paces back up this bank. 

Very few have returned from those swims up river. The creek of dreams. As it’s fondly referred too by the locals. This creek, only seen at night by those who aren’t looking for it. The creek represents a choice. The life of anyone who discovers the creek of dreams is defined by what they do here. 

There are three options: 

One- You can walk into the water, consumed by that which flows around you. It’s a beautiful adventure, too make this choice is a bold one and your life will be filled with great moments in your mind’s eye. (side effects include: these memories will not be of your own choosing, you’ll lack the ability to make clear choices at certain times, and you’ll usually want to move quickly through the water, if only out of curiosity for what may or may not lie ahead) 

Two - You can criss cross the river at your leisure. Moving according to the decisions you make while on the shore, the shore provides clarity and refreshment so the moments within the water become cherished. (side effects include: detachment from the other two choices, the sacrifice of things beyond your choosing from any time in your existence, and potential obsession over what you choose too search for within the river.

Three - You can turn, and walk, back up the river. This choice leads to your fondest memories and happiest moments. Your decisions leading to that moment create a forecast for your remaining days. This could lead to a long satisfying life. (side effects include: potential you may never know, the lives of new or different people may become alien, and it will become almost impossible too reverse any of the side effects should they begin to take hold on you. 

Those who find this river are often afraid. The one who has set foot here tonight certainly is. One of their only wishes is too live a long life, 106 too be precise. The fear comes from realizing the life worth living may not lead to the number 106, but rather a mystery number. Alas, you need to wash your eyes out in this water. The time has come for a dip. 

Look Before Crossing

“You have a nice voice”. There were a fair few who had said before. This compliment only comes when you speak. 

A street crossing, setting as good as any for what was about to happen. He looked left, which was a bad choice. Right is the way you should be looking in Japan. Boy, that might happen a few times before you learn. To this day no-one knows which way to look when you encounter a bicycle thoroughfare. Even if you could look both ways simultaneously, an accident may occur. The same accident mentioned earlier. It’s never the cars that will get you, it’s the bicycles. A screech, another screech (from the inevitable traffic following close behind) and possibly a honk from one of the more impatient drivers. The street harmonic will put a pep in your step, as it did his. An embarrassed grin will make its way onto your face. 

This, might be the best part. 

Just as you’re thinking your physical form is safe, it’s accosted by the smallest old woman you have ever seen. Her weapon of choice, a bicycle older than you are. You didn’t get a good look but you’re sure this bike didn’t have square wheels before the crash. Either way, another surprise comes when you’re hoisted by the scruff back to your feet. You turn, to find the moment for action has come and gone. This lady has taken these seconds to dust herself, you and the bicycle. Another screech, this one marked the woman’s departure from the scene. At this moment the only one smiling was a rather pudgy crow sitting atop a nearby streetlight. He would be by in a moment to investigate the loss of any snacks by either party involved in the collision. The only thing that would bring this Japanese crow more pleasure would to have been the personal catalyst for the crash. 

Nice voice? How could you know? The only one you have heard during the aforementioned story has been your own. So, how did it sound?

Relationships with Expiration Dates

Relationships which run on expiration dates. The gas station doesn't take sense as payment. The gas station only takes Dollars and cents. The kind of cents that can buy you a breath mint. Freshen the mind, take in the sunlight from behind the eyes of another. It’s warm, pouring out from behind each iris, this feels like an eclipse. You’re the only one who sees it. You can’t buy that. All the cents in the world can’t make someone turn their eyes on you like you’re the only other person in the world. With these expiration dates these emotions become currency for the heart. Everyone wants to be wanted and we deserve to be acquitted of the turmoil inside their own head. Should I stay or should I go, how do you make that choice. Deciding takes time. You’re effectively wagering all of your time on the decision to stay. To go, it’s an easier decision to make.

You feel like you’re not wagering all in with the seconds you have left of this life. Working past the expiration date can be dangerous. Occasionally necessary if you find something that must be kept. Stamp a new date on this one and head back out into the world together. Making new expiration dates for those you care about can cost a lot, but it’s like any good investment you need to have faith that you’ll make back what you put into it. You discover that there are plenty of people out there that will be making these same choices about you. There’s an equal number of people who would spend it all to extend their time with you and there’s an equal number who wouldn't spend a dime. Discovering who that might be is difficult, one thing might always be true, and that’s that you can go home if you need expiration dates that only run out once.

Lightly Traveled Nooks

White hallways but you wear a suit of colour. The suit’s fabric is woven from the thoughts of it’s creator. Outside this building lies a garden. You know it, but not well. You passed through it on the way in. Exploring the corridors you find space. Space for more creation and that’s what you see in the silence is potential waiting for its chance to escape. This silence is brought on by your visiting time tic toc. It’s a Monday evening, you’re inside this place most often frequented by the weekend traveler or inquisitor. You’re a weekday inquisitor looking for an adventure away from the pull of the crowd. The pull of a crowd can transform into a person of its own. The crowd speaks and whispers to you, what should you see where should you go what to buy. If you let it, the crowd will choose it all, right down to the last morsel you have for dinner. But visiting this lonely place with white hallways you find yourself challenged by the mere effort of enjoyment. There are many types of explorers, those who want to be protected by the choices made around them and those who are willing to step away. Put one foot into that quiet alley, duck underneath a dim lantern in the twilight of an overcast afternoon and peer into the eyes of others who have strayed from the influence of the masses. It’s important to see what kind of choices you make when on your own, occasionally those decisions won’t be good. However, if you never know how you will act in those situations you may find yourself away from the crowd one day, against your best efforts and unprepared. So prepare to be unprepared, a little lost and a little uncomfortable. Especially in a big city, the places within those dim spaces may have traces of the things you need the most from this particular adventure.

Neon Swamp. Who are You?

Give me another shirt made of the atmosphere. I’ve worn this one down, I don't want to be exposed to the world anymore. I would make my own, but i’m out of energy. I’ll have to look for my reserve. Find it somewhere. It might be hiding under a rock, at the end of a long muddy trail. Running to music, to the bass of the bullfrog symphony through the neon swamp. Neon is a dream come true it’s what we wish our brain looked like, but it’s dark in there. The only light is in your imagination. So you invent the neon swamp. One of many locations you can find that energy. Chemical energy has a smell a flavour, biological energy has a sound. Where can you find that biological recharge? There’s a veritable array, a buffet for anyone and everyone. Thing is, the flavours that make that biological engine hum may not be the flavours that are attractive to the members of the neon swamp living up top. The ol’ command centre. For myself it’s become known as the neon swamp but the name may change tomorrow next week next month. It all depends on your mood. What are you after, are you going to create or consume today. It’s a combination every day. Those choices are affected by who we think we are. Don’t believe everything you tell yourself. At the same time you have to ask “who are you”. What the heck are you doing. “Hello I’m ________ and I ________. Being totally honest and completing that sentence can be difficult. Practicing that sentence, saying it over and over. Maybe like me your sentence reflects a dream. A dream you’re uncertain if you can really achieve. Which is why we must practice, over and over until those words are believable. 

A Morning Away

It is hot, very hot, sticky. The air is heavy with the rain that fell all night. Rolling out of mattress on the floor, the floorboards creak. Many feet have found their way over these floors, there will be many more to come in the future. Jim has done the same thing each day, roll out of bed and walk to the window. Looking out the window and seeing heavy clouds on the horizon. It’s 11am but dark just like the twilight before night grasps the land. It’s the rainy season here in Vietnam so luckily this grey light will last almost all day. Looking through the shutters, a few birds are taking shelter beneath the wide leaves of the tropical climate. Ruffling their feathers and turning to each other for a moment of quiet conversation. They both know as well as Jim that the sun will come for only a moment this afternoon and those moments will be treasured. But for now Jim slides on his sandals and pulls a ripped grey t-shirt over his head and walks downstairs. 

It’s a two story house, small shop on the bottom floor and apartment above. There’s another small house not 30 paces away filled with a beautiful family. It’s this family that owns the shop, they sell fruits and coffee out of the bottom of Jim’s place. So every morning Jim goes down to have a bowl of fruit, sometimes he skips the coffee sometimes he doesn’t. It’s no accident, living here that is. This has been a dream, since a young age. Watching hollywood movies where someone lives in a foreign country above a place which sells food and warm wishes. Drinking a little bit of life every day and never getting greedy. Being here, Jim has rarely felt more at home, there’s been no need for a sweater since arriving, that won’t be changing. When he’ll leave may still be a long way away. Being happy in this environment is not difficult, the family down stairs and the kids next door are always smiling. Laughing with them each morning with the limited vocabulary they all share, communication through smiles is sometimes the easiest and most sought after form of communication. You all have to go on with the day, what Jim has planned is still undecided. After all it has only been 30 minutes since he rolled out of bed.

Trudging an Emotional No Mans Land

It’s funny how it doesn't last forever, for most of us the cause for a smile when we are 15 won’t elicit the same response one year later.  Tastes of the day change. You need different things to be happy. Enjoying the words of others is crucial. But sometimes those words give you no enjoyment. Sometimes they will. The search for a smile is a two sided game. Played by all, won by many, failed occasionally. You’ll have days where everything can put a smile on your face. There will be other days, weeks where you feel like you’re playing the game alone. You can’t find that combustion which leads to a warm smile on your face or the face of someone else. Being grateful for the low times and the high times. Two sides of the same coin. Happy and sad. Sometimes it’s not really sadness that gets you it’s this beige feeling. The easiest way to explain that feeling would be “not happy”. Not a terrible place to be but it’s a no mans land. This is the contested land where you stand between two choices. You can fall toward one side which is real sadness or walk toward the happy side again. Beginning the walk to the happy side of no mans land is not always possible, what is possible is avoiding the walk toward the sad side. Staying in that neutral place is necessary occasionally. Just drifting like a leaf in the wind is how that place can make you feel, that’s ok. It’s really all ok, as long as you can still think and consider like you are now those are good days. Maybe not great days but good days for many those are really hard to come by. 

Accepting a Smile

I miss the warm summer sun and cool morning light that Australia brought into life. It’s a picturesque memory filled with strife of the times, 6 months 6 different jobs and two different houses. However I cannot forget waking up under that thin blanket surrounded by people who smile. That’s a good way to live. Make no mistake there are always people in your life who smile with you. There is a difference between casual friends and those who smile when you walk into a room or arrive somewhere. Those who are simply happy to see you can really set your face free with its own smile. During the last month of my stay Down Under life boiled down to a very simple syrup.

I had saved enough money to make the trip to Japan possible and after 6 months of hunting for jobs I had had enough. I paid my rent, bought my ticket and that was that. From there I could be free to wake up and take days to myself with no work, I dove into a few books and spent time with everyone in the house and of course on the beach. That smiling was infectious it’s something i’ve missed as of late but the memory of it remains strong in my mind. I know I will be able to find it again soon I just need to keep looking for those people who love to smile. As the Australian summer was drawing to a close in 2017 the heat was taking its time leaving, we went to the desert for a festival called blazing swan. It was there I got to spend 5 days with the people I had grown to know best. We had long days and late nights. Tents filled with dust, illuminated with a car battery sparked into a string of led lights. For those 5 days I took video and photos of all the wild humans there for the same purpose as I, to express their happiness and excitement for each moment of life. That time was almost a year ago and I reflect upon it fondly. When we returned from the desert it became a reality that I would be leaving… soon and my return date to Perth Western Australia is still unknown. It’s truly an oasis on the bottom of the world filled with wonders you can find only there. It’s the smiles you can share with people. Those smiles you share with those you love and without talking about it you both know the reason that makes you feel that way. Those moments are special, chasing them is only occasionally possible but being open to them is absolutely necessary. 

Life is a Highway. Beware of other Cars.

Relax and fight for it. Take what you should, what you need from your life and start seeing it. Look at it as if it is right there. Smile in the face of that vision greet it like a friend. That vision just step by step keep walking toward it, hand extended ready to grab it whenever the time arrives. Step by step by step, it can seem repetitive. It’s your responsibility to make those times as interesting and exciting as possible because those steps never stop. Certain things will get easier over time but it will also get more difficult. Depending on the goal, on the dream, there may also be a limited time which you can achieve what you want. Trying to do something different or special can be one of the most challenging things you can undertake during your time on earth. The plan is important, structure even more so. What is next, what can I do to get ahead. Take care, the temptation to compare your progress to others is tempting but foolish.

The only comparison that anyone needs to make is yesterday. Moving toward something means you have to look back just a little bit to check where you’ve come from. One step, one day forward one glance back to make sure all is going according to plan. These checks make sure everything is ok. When it comes to looking at the past nostalgia can be a dangerous adversary. When you’re trying to achieve something in the future, the further ahead you look the further in the past you should not go. Stretching your mentality too far toward the future or past hinders your ability to act in the present. Becoming obsessed with the present is also a danger. Just like they teach you when you first learn to drive a car. When driving you must continue to check all of your mirrors quickly before returning your focus to the road ahead. Again, when behind the wheel you cannot look right in front of the vehicle but an appropriate distance away so you have time to adjust to any changes in the path ahead. Just like life, those mirror checks are the daily routines that will help you get better and stay constant on the path ahead. These daily routines usually revolve around staying healthy and happy for most people. Chances are you need some kind of routine in your life to keep yourself on track. Never forget there’re other cars on the road, different hazards can seemingly come out of nowhere if you forget to check all your blindspots and mirrors.

All Grass is Green

No city on earth is better than a city that you get the opportunity to stay in. Not Paris France not Tokyo Japan. Nowhere wins. There’s nowhere that has the best of everything  it’s all amazing, beautiful breathtaking and one of a kind. Saying that one place is “better” more beautiful than the rest is admitting you’ve never truly experienced the rest at all. A side effect of travel is gaining a memory that so many people around the world will never be able to have. It becomes a point of pride and contention for so many. Many people see certain places as inherently better more elite more prestigious than somewhere else. Those hometown blues play a part in everyones life. It’s what pushes a lot of people to see the world, you assume another place will give you the things you need. Those needs can include: history, people, food, views and reduced expenses. Everyone seeks to improve their lifestyle somehow. Travel can be an easy way to live beyond your means for a short period of time. Visit a cheap destination and you can easily feel like royalty. Or visit a luxurious destination and experience a taste of the “good life”. The whole world has that green grass except where we end up standing. If I could just go to “x” i’m certain that would give me exactly what I’m looking for. Sometimes it works for a little while. Even if it doesn't, no-one wants to be embarrassed. You rarely hear a negative response when someone returns from a vacation. Even if the trip wasn't the best, the peer pressure makes sure you only tell people about the best parts. No-one wants to waste their time or money nor look like they have. Once you have done this a few times it becomes clear that anyplace you get the chance to visit will seem like it was one of the best places in the world. This will happen to just about everyone, why not make the effort to say that about your own home turf. Most if not all places in the world will have something special, unique, about them. It could be any of the things mentioned above: Culture, history, food, people, views. It might be tough to find, so many of us never see every place or person in the best possible light. We may as well try.